A woman struggling with alcoholism strolls into a tavern displaying a prominent notice: “Gentlemen’s Club.”
“Apologies, miss,” the barkeep responds. “This establishment exclusively caters to male patrons.”
“No problem at all,” she replies with a grin, “I’ll have one of those.”
A gentleman and his pet monkey enter a drinking establishment.
The gentleman settles onto a barstool and requests a cold one. Meanwhile, his simian companion leaps onto the counter and devours a withered olive that had been languishing there.
“Excuse me! Did you witness what your primate just did?” the bartender exclaims. “He consumed that revolting olive!”
“Ah yes, he pulls stunts like that constantly,” the gentleman responds casually. “Best to pay him no mind.”
After draining his glass, the gentleman departs with his monkey in tow.
Several days pass before the duo returns to the same watering hole. The gentleman claims his seat and requests another beer. This time, the monkey bounds over to the billiards table and gulps down the cue ball whole.
“Sir! Did you witness what your primate just did?” the bartender shouts. “He swallowed the cue ball entirely!”
“Ah yes, he pulls stunts like that constantly,” the gentleman says again, unfazed. “Best to pay him no mind.”
The gentleman finishes his drink, and once more, they exit together.
About a week passes before the pair makes another appearance at the bar. The gentleman takes his usual spot and orders his beverage. The monkey hops onto the counter, grabs a maraschino cherry, shoves it up his rear end, extracts it, and promptly eats it.
“That is hands down the most repulsive spectacle I have ever witnessed,” the bartender declares, visibly disturbed. “Your monkey actually stuck that cherry where the sun doesn’t shine and then ate it!”
“Indeed,” the gentleman acknowledges. “Ever since that whole cue ball episode, he’s been checking the dimensions of everything beforehand.”